Finalmente!

Well, it has officially been 1 month and 1 day since I graduated from college! Praise the Lord for sustaining me through those final few weeks of school! It was a little unnerving to realize that I can no longer think of my life in terms of semesters and summer/winter breaks, that now I’m plunging into this great unknown “thing” called real life! I’ll spend this post updating all of you on the happenings of my life in the month or so before graduation. And to save on unnecessary verbosity and transitions, I’ll just make a list

1. On April 18th my grandpa passed away. He’d been pretty sick for a very long time, and we had been expecting his passing for a while, but I guess you’re never fully prepared for when it happens. I’m just thankful that his suffering is over. 

2. The next day, April 19th 2008 was one of the most exciting days of my entire life! RJ and I went to Catalina Island for the day (a trip we had been planning since February) and HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! It could not have been a more perfect day! We spent the day hiking around the island, exploring the beauty of God’s creation, riding horses in the mountains, and then we walked down to the beach, where he read a beautiful poem he had written for me, pulled out the most beautiful ring I have EVER seen in my life, and asked me to be his wife! I cried (obviously), jumped up into his arms, and said yes! Here’s the first picture we took as an engaged couple:

The most wonderful day ever ended perfectly! When we got back on land, RJ said he had one more surprise for me. All I wanted to do was call my family and tell them the news but RJ said I had to wait until after he showed me “one last thing.” I tried to hide my frustration (I mean, getting engaged is KIND OF a big deal and I REALLY wanted to talk to my family!) and decided to just trust him. Next thing I knew, we were walking into BJ’s and my whole family was there to surprise me!!! What a PERFECT ending to a perfect day!!! I couldn’t have imagined a more joyful day! We spent the rest of the night celebrating with my family and RJ’s family! And now that I’ve graduated, I can start planning our wedding!

3. My sister Kelly turned 18 on April 25th! My family told her when she turned 5 that she was not allowed to get any older- she had to stay 5! Being the insolent child she is, she clearly didn’t listen. I am so glad she didn’t take our advice, because as we have grown older together, she has quickly become one of my very best friends! I treasure the relationship we have- the Lord has blessed me tremendously with a wonderful, tender-hearted, hilarious, BEAUTIFUL sister! I had the privilege of going home for her birthday, and although she ruined my surprise of coming home a day earlier than she expected, we were still able to pull off a surprise 18th birthday party for her on a houseboat on Tempe Town Lake! It was a gorgeous sunset cruise, and a wonderful time- she has some great friends!

 

4. I mentioned it earlier in my post, but I’ll say it again: I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE ON MAY 9TH! It was a glorious night of celebration! I can’t believe my time at The Master’s College is already over! The Lord did such tremendous things in my life during my time at TMC, and I am so thankful for the wonderful people I have built relationships with over the last 5 years (yes, I crammed 4 years into 5). I’m really going to miss it, but I am so excited to look into the future and see where God takes me next! It was such a joy to have my family and RJ’s family there to cheer me on and celebrate with me! Thank you so much for being there and screaming your heads off for me! Haha! Then, just a few weeks later, Kelly graduated from high school! It was a great ceremony and I am SO incredibly proud of her!!! She’s off to Arizona State University to study Spanish and take over the world, I’m convinced! CONGRATS KELLY! WE DID IT!!! 

5. So now I’m working at Starbucks. Which is definitely not a bad thing. But I would love to be able to use the Cellular/Molecular Biology degree I just finished in the workplace, and let’s be honest. Starbucks is not the place to use it.  Please pray for me as I seek what the Lord has for me in taking the next step in my career. Also pray that I would not forsake the situation He has placed me in for now. I don’t want to be so focused on searching out the next thing that I miss what God has placed right in front of me right now. 

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

So… I haven’t blogged for a long time. There has been a tremendous amount of things that have happened in the past couple months, some wonderful and other not so wonderful. But for right now, I am focusing on a moment that is currently 3 days, 2 hours, and 23 minutes away: my graduation from COLLEGE!!! I have had a wonderful last semester and have thoroughly enjoyed relationships with sweet friends. We have made some incredible memories in the past 4 months! Unfortunately, during this memory-making, fellowship-enjoying, laugh-so-hard-you-(almost)-pee-your-pants semester, I have neglected a few things. The most important of those being homework. So in the next 3 days, I have 5 papers and 5 labs to write, along with 2 more finals and a directed studies class to start and finish. (I’m not gonna lie, the D.S. is probably not gonna be done when I march triumphantly across that stage at 6:30pm on Friday.) All this to say, I will not be updating my blog until after graduation. But when I do, be prepared. It might get long! I’ll try to break it up into smaller, more readable bits. Baby steps.  :)

If you think about it, I would covet your prayers for the next few days. I am striving to live up to my name (which, ironically, means “diligent one”).

The Lord is already graciously blessing me with gifts I don’t deserve. Blessing #1: I found someone to cover my opening shift tomorrow morning (at 4:15am) so I can get a little sleep before my Ethics final!

it’s been a hectic week…

here’s Valley of Vision, a few days late… again…  this one really spoke to me. I’ll hopefully have some time to write more tomorrow about the past few days. They haven’t been the easiest. 

HEAVEN DESIRED

O My Lord,

May I arrive where means of grace cease

and I need no more to fast, pray, weep, watch,

be tempted, attend preaching and sacrament;

where nothing defiles,

where is no grief, sorrow, sin, death, separation, tears,

pale face, languid body, aching joints, feeble infancy,

decrepit age, peccant humours, pining sickness,

griping fears, consuming cares;

where is personal completeness;

where the more perfect the sight the more beautiful the object,

      the more perfect the appetite the sweeter the food,

      the more musical the ear the more pleasant the melody,

      the more complete the soul the more happy its joys,

where is full knowledge of thee.

Here I am an ant, and I view a nest of ants

so dost thou view me and my fellow creatures;

But as an ant knows not me, my nature, my thoughts,

so here I cannot know thee clearly,

But I shall be near thee,

dwell with thy family,

stand in thy presence chamber,

be an heir of thy kingdom,

as the spouse of Christ,

as a member of his body,

one with him who is one with thee,

                        and exercise all my powers of body and soul

                        in the enjoyment of thee.

As praise in the mouth of thy saints is comely,

so teach me to exercise this divine gift,

when I pray, read, hear, see, do,

in the presence of people and of my enemies,

as I hope to praise thee eternally hereafter.  

Amen 

oops

So, about Valley of Vision Fridays… I have come down with strep throat. Which apparently burns with the fire of a thousand hells. And I have been so consumed with trying to get that terrible feeling to stop, that I neglected to post a VOV prayer. Here you go, a couple days late.

Spiritus Sanctus 

O Holy Spirit,

As the sun is full of light, the ocean full of water,

Heaven full of glory, so may my heart be full of thee.

Vain are all divine purposes of love

   and the redemption wrought by Jesus

   except thou work within,

       regenerating by thy power,

       giving me eyes to see Jesus,

       showing me the realities of the unseen world.

Give me thyself without measure,

   as an unimpaired fountain,

   as inexhaustible riches.

I bewail my coldness, poverty, emptiness,

         imperfect vision, languid service,

         prayerless prayers, praiseless praises.

Suffer me not to grieve or resist thee.

Come as power,

   to expel every rebel lust, to reign supreme and keep me thine;

Come as teacher,

   leading me into all truth, filling me with all understanding;

Come as love,

   that I may adore the Father, and love him as my all;

Come as joy,

   to dwell in me, move in me, animate me;

Come as light,

   illuminating the Scripture, moulding me in its laws;

Come as sanctifier,

   body, soul and spirit wholly thine;

Come as helper,

   with strength to bless and keep, directing my every step;

Come as beautifier,

   bringing order out of confusion, loveliness out of chaos.

Magnify me to thy glory by being magnified in me,

   and make me redolent of thy fragrance. 

AMEN! 

Another one…

I’m not really up-to-date on blogging protocol, but let’s face it. I don’t really care. So I want to post one more prayer from Valley of Vision. Maybe I’ll make it a weekly post. Yes. Check back every Friday for a meditation out of Valley of Vision… I wish I could be this eloquent, but when words fail me (as oft they do), I know the Lord still hears the cry of my heart.

A Christian’s Prayer 

Blessed God,

Ten thousand snares are mine without and within,

defend thou me;

When sloth and indolence seize me,

give me views of heaven;

When sinners entice me,

give me disrelish of their ways;

When sensual pleasures tempt me,

purify and refine me;

When I desire worldly possessions,

help me to be rich toward thee;

When the vanities of the world ensnare me,

let me not plunge into new guilt and ruin;

May I remember the dignity of my spiritual release,

never be too busy to attend to my soul,

never be so engrossed with time

that I neglect the things of eternity;

thus may I not only live, but grow towards thee.

Form my mind to right notions of religion,

that I may not judge of grace by wrong conceptions,

nor measure my spiritual advances

by the efforts of my natural being.

May I seek after an increase of divine love to thee,

after unreserved resignation to thy will,

after extensive benevolence to my fellow creatures,

after patience and fortitude of soul,

after a heavenly disposition

after a concern that I may please thee in public and private.

Draw on my soul the lineaments of Christ,

in every trace and feature of which thou wilt take delight,

for I am thy workmanship,

created in Christ Jesus,

thy letter written the Holy Spirit’s pen,

thy tilled soil ready for sowing, then harvest.

 

Resting on God

I love reading and praying the prayers in Valley of Vision. I’ve got a lot of things on my mind today, and have for the past week or so, and I really needed to just slow down and come back to what’s important. I pray this encourages you.

Resting on God 

O God Most High, most Glorious,

The thought of thine infinite serenity cheers me,

For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,

but Thou art for ever at perfect peace.

Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfillment,

they stand fast as the eternal hills.

Thy power knows no bond,

Thy goodness no stint.

Thou bringest order out of confusion,

And my defeats are thy victories:

The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

I come to thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,

To leave every concern entirely to thee,

Every sin calling for Christ’s precious blood;

Revive deep spirituality in my heart;

Let me live near to the great shepherd,

Hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls.

Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in truth,

From harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit.

Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities,

Burning into me by experience the things I know;

Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel,

That I may bear its reproach,

Vindicate it,

See Jesus as its essence,

Know it in the power of the Spirit.

Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill;

Unbelief mars my confidence,

Sin makes me forget thee.

Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots;

Grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to thee,

That all else is trifling.

Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy.

Abide in me, gracious God.

 

To err is human, to forgive divine.

Forgive me wordpress, for I have sinned. It has been 1 month since my last digression. It amazes me that there are so many churches in the Santa Clarita Valley that faithfully and accurately preach the gospel and passionately love God and His people. Honestly, it’s probably the most unique cities I’ve ever lived in… not that my habitations have been very extensive by any means, but this phenomenon is really glaring. It’s encouraging to me that I don’t see these churches expanding, growing spiritually “fat,” and just existing in their secluded spiritual gluttony; but they are training faithful men according to 2 Timothy 2:2 who are able to go out and teach others. America needs churches that are unwavering in their adherence to the authority and sufficiency of Scripture, and it’s heartening to see that modeled in the churches I have been a part of. I visited Church of the Canyons this past Sunday, and now I see why everyone who goes to that church seems so obsessed with it. I love going to a church and feeling at home, as if I’m with a big group of my extended family. I have an incredible church family back home in Arizona, and I have been searching for that kind of community for a long time. I think I may have found it. Aside from the people genuinely loving each other, the sermon was inspirationally heavy. Never have I felt so convicted yet so freely hopeful as I did on Sunday. Pastor Roger gave such a clear understanding of sin, guilt, repentance, and forgiveness. Throughout the course of his message I began to realize how flippantly I take sin sometimes. I’ve heard Alexander Pope’s phrase “To err is human, to forgive divine,” and I’ve probably used it (or at least thought it) to excuse and rationalize sin in my life. But it’s such a dangerously misleading and untrue statement! We were not created to sin. We were created to be perfect image-bearers of God. When Jesus came to earth, He was fully human. I doubt He would agree with Mr. Pope that it was in his nature as a human to sin. I understand that it is silly, naive, and foolish to think that we’re not going to sin. But it is no foolish ambition to strive for Christ-likeness. And now I’ll leave you with a quote from someone wise. I don’t remember who I heard it from. But it’s a daily sobering reminder: “Do not be entertained by the things Christ died for.” 

Droughts, Lunch, Chris Rice, and Wrestling

For the last 6 months I worked in Newport Beach as a receptionist at an architecture firm, and every day at 12:00 I left for my 1-hour lunch break. Although there’s so much to say about my job, and how uncannily (is that a word?) similar to The Office it is, today’s focus will be on my 1-hour escape from the show. Lunch time is quite possibly my favorite part of my day. It seems like I never have any time to just sit and think. When you have an hour for lunch, there’s really nothing else to do. I love driving to Starbucks, sipping on a Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte, and watching the Orange County elite as I treasure the time to sit and do some good honest thinking. For some reason, it seems like Starbucks is a catalyst for candid, self-exposing, heart-revealing pondering. My old pastor and dear friend (he’s really more of an uncle to me actually) always says that God lives at Starbucks. I think he must have been onto something. Anyway, the other day I thought about why I started a blog. And I thought about why lots of people start blogs. And I was thinking that if I was smart I would have started it at a point in my life where I feel like I’ve got some good stuff to say, as if I’m some fount of wisdom and people would actually care to read what I write. Surprise- I’m not wise! In fact, I’ve lately realized just how comfortable I’ve been to just “exist” in my own narrow world. I don’t want to just “exist.” I want to thrive. So maybe my blog drought (after just my 1st post ever- how pathetic!) is symbolic of my general feeling about life right now. For lack of eloquence, I’ve just not been “feelin’ it.” And I guess in some sense it’s a good place to be. There’s certainly no abundance of self-sufficiency or self-righteousness in it, certainly no attitude of lackadaisical contentment. On the other hand, passion and purpose are definitely lacking. After some self-pitiful pouting, I decided to “get to the heart” of the issue. My human view of God can be SO incredibly distorted. In this modern world where 82% of the United States claims “Christianity” as their “religion”, I think we (I’ll say “we” so I don’t feel so vulnerable) tend to focus way too heavily on the relational part of Christianity, and in doing so we stifle the glory of God as our chief end. It’s easy to say “Jesus is my friend” but how are we doing with desiring the glory of God before our praise. When we faithfully pray for and counsel a friend through a struggle, do we come out of it saying “Wow, I sure am a fantastic Christian” or do we say “Wow, I am absolutely in awe that God was so gracious enough to allow me to be a part of His plan!” As much as I would like to think I don’t fall into this, I do. I start to feel sorry for myself that I don’t “feel” God’s closeness, and then that self-pity turns into a subtle defiance and I don’t feel like going to church. I don’t feel like reading my Bible and praying. I don’t feel like getting dirty in the lives of people I love. All because I just don’t feel “close” enough to God. WAKE UP!!! It’s not about “feeling close!” It’s about God. It’s about how much greater He is than me. It’s about praising Him for who He is before I even start to think about my feelings. Going through the daily motions of an office job, it is easy to lose sight of how truly awesome our God is, especially when I’m choosing self-pity instead. I was just realizing how ridiculous my sin was when-BAM!- Chris Rice knocked me on my butt. I’ve recently pulled out some of his CDs and they are incredible! This one made me think about how God’s glory is everywhere. And when we see that to be true, it should “stir us to holiness.” Read the lyrics. (FYI: this is kind of a long entry. Get over it.)  

Chris Rice: Wind & Spirit”

I hear a sound and turn to see

A new direction on that rusty weathervane

Suddenly the dead brown leaves are stirred

To scratch their circle dances down the lane

And now the sturdy oaks start clappin’

With the last few stubborn leaves that won’t let go

I can hear Old Glory snappin’

And her tattered rope now clangin’ against the pole

And my breath is snatched away

And a chill runs up my spine

Feels like somethin’s on the way

So I look up to the sky

I look up to the sky and

From the corners of creation

Comes the Father’s holy breath

Ridin’ on a storm with tender fierceness

Stirring my soul to holiness

Stirring my soul to holiness

I see the lifeless dust now resurrected

Swirling up against my window pane

And carried ‘cross the distance

Come the long awaited fragrances of earth and rain

And out across the amber field

The slender grasses bend and bow

And kiss the ground

And in them I see the beauty of the souls

Who let the Spirit lay them down

And it takes my breath away

And a tear comes to my eye

Feels like somethin’s on the way

So I look up to the sky

I look up to the sky and

From the corners of creation

Comes the Father’s holy breath

Ridin’ on a storm with tender fierceness

Stirring my soul to holiness

Stirring my soul to holiness

And like a mighty wind blows with a force I cannot see

I will open wide my wings, I will open wide my wings

I will open wide my wings and let the Spirit carry me

From the corners of creationComes the Father’s holy breath

Ridin’ on a storm with tender fierceness

Stirring my soul to holiness

Stirring my soul to holiness.”   

It was great to sit and think about what “tender fierceness” would look like. Our God is seriously awesome. I get the picture of a German Shepherd fiercely defending its family and little children. RJ (my boyfriend) told me a story the other day of a family who had left their house to go out for the night, and left the kids with their German Shepherd. While they were out, a burglar came to the house and broke in. The dog chased the man out of the house, protecting the children, and the man pulled out a gun and shot the dog, who kept chasing the man until he couldn’t stand up anymore, and then laid down and died. That (multiplied by… like… infinity) is a glimpse into how tenderly fierce our God is. 

…. And I’m worried about not “feeling” like being a Christian. My priorities are just so wrong sometimes! When we have the right view of God, it almost naturally follows that we will want to be in His Word. Not that it’s always easy. Not that it’s always the first thing I want to do when I wake up and the last thing I want to do before the Lord lets me rest and sleep at night. I pray that someday I will crave the Word that much. But for now, I just can’t get caught up in the paralyzing state of waiting to get my act together until I “feel like it.” Sometimes I wonder why God has any patience with me. I mean honestly now. Hasn’t He had enough? 

I snapped back to reality when the most muscular man I have ever seen in my life walked through Starbucks’ double doors. I say double doors because he actually needed both of them to walk in. He was wearing a black shirt that had something to do with wrestling scrawled all over it in messy/artsy writing. I figured he was probably one of those ridiculous WWE “wrestlers”/actors/steroid-pumped machomen. After my immediate judgment of him, I asked the Lord to forgive me, and it was off to la-la land again. I thought about Jacob wrestling with God. Ummm… talk about bad odds! But in Genesis 32 Jacob was blessed by God after their wrestling match. It’s important to wrestle through thing with God. I think God can probably handle whatever we throw at Him. My mom leads a Bible Study back home for nurses she’s known for many years (I won’t say how many because she’ll probably read this!)  :)  and they recently went through a study by Beth Moore called “Believing God.” I was on Beth’s website the other day, and ran across this quote regarding Jacob’s wrestling match with Jehovah Himself. It is incredible. 

“We are to walk as people who have encountered God, and some of the most transforming encounters are wrestling matches.  Dear One, the lost do not wrestle with God nearly as much as we who belong to Him.  The profane and ungodly don’t care enough to wrestle.  We who are His often wrestle with Him most, and at times we also seem to hurt the most.Please understand that for us, wounding and hurt are only temporal, yet they carry great eternal benefits: “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Cor. 4:17).  Let the Jacobs limp.  We have been with God!  Though our humanity may be wounded, our souls are made whole by the One with whom we wrestle.”

Our souls are made whole by the One with whom we wrestle!       I love it! I’m ready to rumble!

Cautiously Intimidated

I have thought about what my grand entry into the blogging world would say for probably the past 4 months. And every time I sit down and plink away at the keyboard I erase it and put it off til another day where I’m feeling more eloquent/creative/witty/you name it. After my 8th unsuccessful attempt I realized how lame I am. If there’s one thing I struggle with the most (trust me- there’s SO many more… it’s kind of hard to choose) it would be my paralyzing fear of failure. But today I am boldly stepping forward in my battle and it feels good.    I’m going to make this short and sweet so I don’t change my mind again. I’m going home to AZ tonight to spend Christmas with my family. It will be a sweet time. AND it will give me something to write about when I get back. This is turning out to be easier than I thought!  Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone.